Time for another inspirational big-idea reminder that came out of last month’s Game Sound Con.
It’s something I think a good number of people struggle with in their youths, and some probably for much longer. I know I did at first. I have to imagine it’s ended or even prevented countless careers:
Your skills and expertise won’t hire you. People will.
Sounds lovely. Has a nice ring to it. But… what does this mean, in practice?
It’s super easy to get caught up in all the details of what we do when it’s so technical and creative at the same time, can be so fun, and requires so much focus. That combination can leave us with feelings that don’t seem too far from obsession or addiction. And on top of that, we know that, in the immediate sense, it’s this work that’s buying us that next bag of groceries or paying that next rent check.
But the work doesn’t sign the check. The work didn’t hire you. The work isn’t grateful for you and doesn’t enjoy your company. And it sure wasn’t the work that went to college with you, or met you at that awards show, or got introduced by a mutual friend. It was a good ol’ human.
If you neglect your relationships, those people won’t be there when you need them. Whether it’s about helping you find your next gig, answering a burning tech question, or just being your cheerleaders and support system, if you haven’t been doing it for them, why would they suddenly do it for you?
Of course, this might sound obvious. And at the same time, I might come across as both coldly goal-oriented and depressingly doomsday. So I don’t think of it that way.
I consider myself somewhat introverted. Neither building nor maintaining relationships feels particularly natural or comfortable. It’s something I have to work at and I often find myself having to overcome some internal resistance to do it. But long ago I realized… I would sorely miss the company of friends, of good people that I really like, if they disappeared from my career. I was working with a few good friends on Family Guy and The Cleveland Show and American Dad!, which was a wonderful and fortunate thing, and decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my career surrounded by friends. And that networking, from that point on, could and should be mostly about keeping in touch with friends.
I knew I’d still need to meet new people, and I knew that after the initial discomfort and stress, some of those people would go on to become friends, too—and that not everyone needs to be a friend. But thinking of friendship and relationships as the basis of it—and not employment or opportunities—was just a better fit for me.
I would put together little industry lunches from time to time. To plan one I would start by calling and texting some friends. I’d encourage everyone to bring someone with them if they were able. I’d take it as an opportunity to reach out and invite someone I’d just met or had been wanting to meet. And in the end we’d have a table full of people chowing on pizza or burgers, and everyone had at least one friend at the table.
If you’re especially new to the industry, this sort of approach might seem impossible, or at least a long ways off. Don’t fret, it can happen faster than you’d suspect. But it does take time and you do have to put yourself out there. Younger folks might need to face their fears and realize that everyone else was new at this at some point, too. More experienced people might have to overcome feelings of guilt or shame at not “tending the garden” all this time, and accept that a kind and decent human who approaches things with humility is likely to get a second chance.
Do you look around and think, “I don’t have any friends in the industry?” If so, whether you’re a newbie or a veteran, well… time to make some. Sign up for that mixer, go to that screening, buy the cheap pass for that conference, join that Discord server. And just bring yourself, your sense of humor, your kindness, and your humanity. If those first steps count as planting the seeds of your first industry friendships, then those new friendships themselves are the seeds of many more good relationships to come. If you need ideas or encouragement in taking that first step I’m happy to be a supportive resource if you just contact me.
And when times get tough, frankly, I think having a bunch of friends looking out for you—and you for them—just sounds like the way to go. Because your skills and expertise won’t take you out for a coffee, help you work through a problem, or have reassuring words for you when you need them most.
People will.